That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
