Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
