I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
