do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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