were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
