I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am naked and annoyed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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