:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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