we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
