You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
