I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
