So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
