I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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