How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
