Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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