I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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