dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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