She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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