Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
