Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
