Betty ford says i'm here all night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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