One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
