I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
