When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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