Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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