That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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