she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
