he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
