My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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