I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
