I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
