She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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