you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize