if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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