i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
