Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was born a porn star she said
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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