I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
