Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
