I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
