Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
