I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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