Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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