You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im part way to drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
