Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
