My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
