Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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