walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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