That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
