but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
