yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
