whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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