It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
