I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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