Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I died a long time ago.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
