Too much gin, very little bucket
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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