Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who wears a wallet chain?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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