Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
