my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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