He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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