I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
