the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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